Go down a little...

Hey, I wrote a draft and then wrote a new blog out of it so its below "Does everyone remember when..." If you'd like to check out the new blog, you just have to scroll down.

Does everyone remember when...

Does everyone remember when I got the "Which Beatles Song Describes Your Life Right Now?" result and it was Yesterday (depressing..as hell). Guess what? I was thinking about it earlier and I decided to take the test again. I did take it, and the results were different.

All You Need is Love
You are a warm, optimistic person who gets along with almost everyone. You have compassion for almost all living things and you have a strong desire to help others. People find your smile irresistible, as well as your sunny attitude towards life. With a little bit of love, you know that there's nothing you can't achieve.

Although this doesn't sound like me (i am so not optimistic, and my smile is putrescent..and sunny attitude! Gaffaw!), I like it better than yesterday. Yesterday was depressing cause I found so much truth in it. This one is positive though I don't identify with it. I don't know why, but the fact that I don't identify with it at all doesn't bother me. I think I'm glad.

Writers block...Go in that corner over there, nobody likes you and your phase is over!

Okay, start from the beginning. Lately, I have been having a writers block and only one thing has come out of it.

I can't write (doo doo dee doo)
I can't write (doo doo dee doo)
Cause something isn't going right

And I didn't write that. A friend did. So, when your a writer and you go through a period when someone else is describing what you cant, its bad for you (though it was hilarious when written and remains so). I recently came out of the block. I have began to write more on "Il n'y a rien plus importante que l'amour." I have also completed some lyrics, and started others. I have lots of ideas for songs and/or poems, but I don't feel better. Back in the day when I was cranking things out on a regular basis, it was almost all sad. All negative. None of them were happy. The one I wrote and completed most recently was saved as a draft on Gmail. The title of the song was AWAY. But, I made the subject "Amour! No es bueno!" In English, this means "Love! It's not good!" So, needless to say, it was fairly negative. I'm not sure why. I wrote in a rather cheerful mood, and most of it was, stuff like "we mesh so well." I was originally planning on posting it on this blog, but I decided against it. I found it personal and am not sure its ready to be released to the wild. Although, I am considering making a new blog persona and posting lyrics and poems I've written and hopefully will continue to write there.

Quivering in indecision
A quick blurr hazing my vision
She walks right past
Doesn't make it last

I cant think its anything
Perhaps just a teasing fling
I have the urge to act
Action is what I lacked

Giving up seems futile
Despite rigor being brutal
I somehow remain unabated
Yet am quite obviously deflated

I am so tired
Yet am so wired
Not for living persay
And not for the next day

I wrote this just now, while blogging. Seemed the thing to do. It doesn't have a title, and its a poem, not lyrics. Not my best work, but I am still getting back into the groove. Like I was saying, I have been able to write for the last few days, but I feel little different. I am relieved though. A friend of mine recently told me, perhaps the reason I couldn't write is because I used up all of my lyrics and poems. I spent thirteen years getting the emotion for em and now they're drained. She said that now I was just filling up again. I like this analogy. I've begun to drain again, so I guess another "block" is coming up eventually. Can I say how irritating it is to not be able to leak these things out? Its like an itch, and I've just been able to reach that place thats just too far out of reach on my back, and start itching. Reading over that, its a gross metaphor but I think the point gets across.

On a pleasanter note I went to the SD zoo 2day. All of the jungle cats reminded me of Hat-Shep-Suit. I missed her a lot when I saw the Lynx's especially. Then I got home and had to do the litter box (yechhh! Hadnt been done since Mon morning so it was pretty terrible). But now she is curled up in a little ball next to me purring (aka I better get going and pet her). Also, I'd like to apologize for the time this long blog may have taken up. I just needed to get somethings off my chest (and apparently write a poem!).

Btw, Hat would say goodnight but she's too busy being asleep. Normally I'd blame this on feline laziness, but seeing as its 1:43 in the morning, I can't really blame her. I should be sleeping too, so goodnight everyone (or those reading).

Am I the ball or the racket?

Guess who won the second and third game of raquetball today? That would be...
My dad!

But to the point, guess who won the first game? That would be me. Oh yeah. I pwn. And I didn't get to 21, which is the winning score. I got to 23. Oh yeah. I pwn. Anyway, I guess I'm just really awesome.

I payed for my victory.

My back and knees are in extraordinary pain...excuse me while I go cry..

lol, jk

That path was stupid...

I don't want to leave my blog where I left off, even if nobody ever looked at it again. But whatever. The boulder was a rejection from a girl i asked out. I don't want dynamite. I understand the basis of the rejection, it's totally cool, and I get it. That path was stupid. I'm gonna avoid it. Maybe the current path will has a delta type thing coming up, or a fork, but it doesnt matter. My life isn't terrible right now, and I'm fairly content (though more writing time wouldn't be a problem [lol]). I don't think the blog feels finished, but if I kept writing I'd just be rambling on.

Goddamn it

Well, sometimes when you strike a new path there's something in the way. A boulder for instance. Lets say its a boulder. I dont have any dynamite. I can't remove this boulder. The only thing I can do is work backwards to the other path, and keep going on that one. Maybe I'll find some dynamite on this path. Or maybe someone will give me some dynamite. Who knows?

Yesterday

Wow. I have had these results for awhile. Since I got them I have listened to the song Yesterday several times. It has certainly become one of my favorite Beatles songs. These results hit me on the head...hard. I don't want them to be true, but my first instinct was WTF? How did they know?? Everyone I have asked said that it hits the nail on the head for me.

Yesterday
You have a tendency to focus on the past: past mistakes, past happiness, past love. Everything seems easier and simpler in retrospect. You are quite sentimental and you have a good heart. As your life progresses, a lot of things you once valued will become unimportant to you, and some of the things you did not care about before will become extremely valuable to you. Maturity will sharpen your perspective, but those happy, simple times of coloring and tag will always remain in your memory. And waiting just ahead of you are even more wonderful memories to be made.

It has an upbeat ending, I guess. But it really depresses me because I see so much truth in it. After getting it, I have tried hard to become the person different from the one who go these results.

Work as if you don't need the money.
Love as if you have never been hurt.
Dance as if no one is watching.

I have almost always followed the third one (and made an ass of myself every time). The second strikes a chord. I am always afraid, not just of love-ache, but other things (all emotional). I have decided to strike a new path. The other me can just go screw himself.

*added afterward*
I still want to be sentimental and good hearted, and there are some things that will never lose value.