Another late night blog..this one started later

Hello, I'm back again. This is the second time this week I have blogged when tired and/or jittery late at night. Though, the last one ended around 2 in the morn. This one begins about then. I'm starting to blog more, hmmm..maybe this'll become a habit.

I think possibly the reason I blog so late at night is because I'm slightly inhibited logically because of my tiredness. Also, I have had two monsters in the last two days. This has been a mistake. I am feeling the crash, but am still jittery. I tend to have less logic when tired.

I think I have a bone bruise. When ever I flex my arm, or extend/contract it (right arm) I have this pain on my elbow. Feeling around, I discovered it right on a place where two bones meet. My bro says its a bone bruise, but I have come to worry because of the fact that two bones meet there that the cartilage might've worn away. This would be a really bad sign (especially since this usually necessitates a joint replacement, and that it usually only happens to old people). Anyway, thats painful.

I took to "nervous, nauseous, pacing" a while ago (eh, fifteen minutes). My stomach was out of whack in a pain way (most likely cuz of that blasted monster), nervous in my stomach like an intestinal pain (the last time i recall having this sort of feeling, it was right before i asked out a girl), and the pacing was probly cuz i am so jittery cause of that confounded monster! Likely the excess of caffeine, ginseng, and taurine caused all of the symptoms, but that only infuriates me further.

All of this seems odd in reflection, because I am not in a bad mood. Maybe it all seems better cause I've written about it. I don't feel physically good, and remain pessimistic, but I am not in a bad mood. There's a green vase in front of me, that looks like a green flower in the process of blooming. There are orange pillows behind me. I think this cools me down, because i like orange and the mix of flower and green make me happy. I've just realized how fruity all that sounds. C'mon, give me a break; I'm tired.

**written in only 16 minutes btw (the other took almost an hour i think)**

Go down a little...

Hey, I wrote a draft and then wrote a new blog out of it so its below "Does everyone remember when..." If you'd like to check out the new blog, you just have to scroll down.

Does everyone remember when...

Does everyone remember when I got the "Which Beatles Song Describes Your Life Right Now?" result and it was Yesterday (depressing..as hell). Guess what? I was thinking about it earlier and I decided to take the test again. I did take it, and the results were different.

All You Need is Love
You are a warm, optimistic person who gets along with almost everyone. You have compassion for almost all living things and you have a strong desire to help others. People find your smile irresistible, as well as your sunny attitude towards life. With a little bit of love, you know that there's nothing you can't achieve.

Although this doesn't sound like me (i am so not optimistic, and my smile is putrescent..and sunny attitude! Gaffaw!), I like it better than yesterday. Yesterday was depressing cause I found so much truth in it. This one is positive though I don't identify with it. I don't know why, but the fact that I don't identify with it at all doesn't bother me. I think I'm glad.

Writers block...Go in that corner over there, nobody likes you and your phase is over!

Okay, start from the beginning. Lately, I have been having a writers block and only one thing has come out of it.

I can't write (doo doo dee doo)
I can't write (doo doo dee doo)
Cause something isn't going right

And I didn't write that. A friend did. So, when your a writer and you go through a period when someone else is describing what you cant, its bad for you (though it was hilarious when written and remains so). I recently came out of the block. I have began to write more on "Il n'y a rien plus importante que l'amour." I have also completed some lyrics, and started others. I have lots of ideas for songs and/or poems, but I don't feel better. Back in the day when I was cranking things out on a regular basis, it was almost all sad. All negative. None of them were happy. The one I wrote and completed most recently was saved as a draft on Gmail. The title of the song was AWAY. But, I made the subject "Amour! No es bueno!" In English, this means "Love! It's not good!" So, needless to say, it was fairly negative. I'm not sure why. I wrote in a rather cheerful mood, and most of it was, stuff like "we mesh so well." I was originally planning on posting it on this blog, but I decided against it. I found it personal and am not sure its ready to be released to the wild. Although, I am considering making a new blog persona and posting lyrics and poems I've written and hopefully will continue to write there.

Quivering in indecision
A quick blurr hazing my vision
She walks right past
Doesn't make it last

I cant think its anything
Perhaps just a teasing fling
I have the urge to act
Action is what I lacked

Giving up seems futile
Despite rigor being brutal
I somehow remain unabated
Yet am quite obviously deflated

I am so tired
Yet am so wired
Not for living persay
And not for the next day

I wrote this just now, while blogging. Seemed the thing to do. It doesn't have a title, and its a poem, not lyrics. Not my best work, but I am still getting back into the groove. Like I was saying, I have been able to write for the last few days, but I feel little different. I am relieved though. A friend of mine recently told me, perhaps the reason I couldn't write is because I used up all of my lyrics and poems. I spent thirteen years getting the emotion for em and now they're drained. She said that now I was just filling up again. I like this analogy. I've begun to drain again, so I guess another "block" is coming up eventually. Can I say how irritating it is to not be able to leak these things out? Its like an itch, and I've just been able to reach that place thats just too far out of reach on my back, and start itching. Reading over that, its a gross metaphor but I think the point gets across.

On a pleasanter note I went to the SD zoo 2day. All of the jungle cats reminded me of Hat-Shep-Suit. I missed her a lot when I saw the Lynx's especially. Then I got home and had to do the litter box (yechhh! Hadnt been done since Mon morning so it was pretty terrible). But now she is curled up in a little ball next to me purring (aka I better get going and pet her). Also, I'd like to apologize for the time this long blog may have taken up. I just needed to get somethings off my chest (and apparently write a poem!).

Btw, Hat would say goodnight but she's too busy being asleep. Normally I'd blame this on feline laziness, but seeing as its 1:43 in the morning, I can't really blame her. I should be sleeping too, so goodnight everyone (or those reading).

Am I the ball or the racket?

Guess who won the second and third game of raquetball today? That would be...
My dad!

But to the point, guess who won the first game? That would be me. Oh yeah. I pwn. And I didn't get to 21, which is the winning score. I got to 23. Oh yeah. I pwn. Anyway, I guess I'm just really awesome.

I payed for my victory.

My back and knees are in extraordinary pain...excuse me while I go cry..

lol, jk

That path was stupid...

I don't want to leave my blog where I left off, even if nobody ever looked at it again. But whatever. The boulder was a rejection from a girl i asked out. I don't want dynamite. I understand the basis of the rejection, it's totally cool, and I get it. That path was stupid. I'm gonna avoid it. Maybe the current path will has a delta type thing coming up, or a fork, but it doesnt matter. My life isn't terrible right now, and I'm fairly content (though more writing time wouldn't be a problem [lol]). I don't think the blog feels finished, but if I kept writing I'd just be rambling on.

Goddamn it

Well, sometimes when you strike a new path there's something in the way. A boulder for instance. Lets say its a boulder. I dont have any dynamite. I can't remove this boulder. The only thing I can do is work backwards to the other path, and keep going on that one. Maybe I'll find some dynamite on this path. Or maybe someone will give me some dynamite. Who knows?