This...well..work is....idk

I feel totally out of place in the office. I feel like i am doing grunt work that people tell me they appreciate so that I keep doing it. I feel like everyone views me as unprofessional, but at the same time, i feel unprofessional too, especially when i have no belt (mom!). I also feel kind of alone, because there is no one very close to my age, except Helen, but she is out of the office right now. Sometimes i also get the feeling that maybe I am in over my head, like, "I'm just a kid, y am i working at a job??" It feels like i am wasting time, like, i could be working on a script, or reading a book, or playing with the cats, or going on hikes, or writing songs, or doing random ass dumb teenager stuff. Still, I cant complain, $150 dollar checks every two weeks is really nice, but i keep asking myself if it's worth it. My mom keeps telling me that if i wasnt there, she would be doing the work i am, and because i am there, she doesnt have to so she can do her job instead of trying to do a million things, and getting nothing accomplished in the mean time. Me and my bro started working on a new project, but i feel like that one is being crushed by our schedules. And in a week i am leaving town for a week. What will happen to the ideas with chris? How will things go at the office? Will people be glad i'm not there, sad i'm not there, or simply indifferent? How will things go in RE4? Ugh, sometimes i bable on. Like i started the blog, with the specific purpose of talking about work, and end talking about random stuff, and then talk about how i am feeling during the blog. Like, i have all my feelings from the day being poured in, but my current emotions are going in at the same time. And now i am discussing the blog writing process. I think its odd how my mind works, sometimes it feels like my train's of thought, have no linear plot. Lol, i just rhymed without meaning to..wow. Now i am totally embarassed and am thinking about not posting the blog, but have now decided that i dont want to bottle up feelings. Now reading the text i've written. Thinking about war of the worlds and how the crazy guy in the basement that tom cruise hides with makes the pun "dead set on living." Thinking about his expression while he says it. About what his name is...Tim Robin perhaps? idk, btw, before i wrote the previous sentence i imagined it in my mind typed on the screen, lol. I also thought about the shotgun he was holding when he said it, which reminds me of resident evil 4, the game me and my bro are playing, cuz it looks just like the first shotgun u get in it. This reminds of the place where u get it, the village, which reminds me of the mercenaries mode for the village, which makes me think about the docks mercenary mode map, which makes me think about the island mercenary map, which makes me think about the character u unlock by doing it, which is Hunk, which makes me think about the character u get for doing the docks, which is Wesker, which makes me think about the character you get for doing the castle which is Krauser. Now i realize this blog is totally boring. I have typed for a while now, simply writing my train of thought. I hope this hasnt discouraged people from reading furture posts, i know most people wont (especially tricia), but i still worry. Now i worry that tricia will feel like i expect it of her to read my pointless blog all the time, and therefore will feel like she shouldnt. Maybe i should stop blogging, this seems like an outlet that could work, but isnt. idk, i am in a weird mood right now.