Hello, my name is John. Thank you, sir. Your welcome, sir. Nice to meet you. [Random name], good to see you. What are these? The things i say to be polite. My mom tells me often how polite I am. Well.....I have to say....SCREW THAT!
I am sick of being nice and people being assholes. Most of the people i am nice to are nice to me, but what about the 99.999% of the earth's population i have never met?? People are jerks! All the time! I AM SICK OF IT. Before i have a chance to be polite, they are a dick. WTF? And if not, its some racist biggoted pinprick who decides it'd be helpful to have me as a frined. What jerks humans are. I feel like punching these people, but good ol' John is too nice for that. Or is that I am afraid? Of consequences. I hate them. I hate myself too. I just read a blog from my aunty tricia, and she was talking about how she always knew who she was, but could never accept it. I feel both ways. I have no clue who I am, and I'm sure if/when i find out, I will be disappointed in myself. This is a lose lose situation. Should I constantly give in to urges, and be what my guts says to be, no matter what my brain says. My "E's" in skool would disappear. Ugh, just thinking about some of my teachers is making me fume. I wish I could just walk up to them, laugh in their face, ask them if they think i am stupid, and then before they can reply tell them that obviously they consider my stupid when they themselves are too stupid to see me. What jerks. GOD! WTF?! Maybe I am just in a foul mood, which upsets me cuz 30 minutes ago I was in a fabulous mood. I hate skool. I want to quit. But I love my history teacher, he is super intelligent, and I listen to everything he says. If he could teach all my classes skool would rock. Where is this all coming from? Is it just recent events, or am I just letting out long hidden things. I hate to think about what a nice kid i used to be. I feel like a dick 2! And I say that going, "but I put up with so much" but I really dont. Mentally at least. Anger builds up and I release it in things. i dont even no where i am releasing it. Is this the first time I am releasing it? I no I can be a prick, but it is usually in a calculated way. Not anger. Not hot anger at least. Cold Anger. I wish I had known that i would get to Cold Anger when I wrote the title for the blog. I am a jerk. Cold calculated anger is so much worse than screaming I think. Then why do I do it? Self control issues? "Crimes of Passion?" I wonder if people who read this are going to go, "what a freak, how do i hang out with him??" I consider myself mature, but this blog seems so juvenile. I knew from the beginning i was going to post it, but my gut says "DONT!!" But we both no I am going too. Ugh, the critics are going to be tough.
COLD ANGER
(added after rereading this)
HOW JUVENILE!
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2 comments:
what a freak, how do i hang out with him?? nahh jkjk. at least you're "getting it all out" which i know sounds cliche, but its true. i thot u like skool now tho... :-( but see, at least you've finally "exploded" some bottled up anger, and it must have helped, right?
u are no kind of freak, u r u,
and way far cool,
and still it's fool-
ish to think the rule
s of life aren't cruel
to those still true
to human jewel
s of precious pool
ing ideas and fuel
xo 2 u
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