Today, I went to bed, woke up, went to sleep, went to the Mojave Desert, worked my ass off as a production assistant, met and shook hands with the iron sheik twice, met corey feldman, ran a mile to get a radio battery to some guy, cooked chili, watched three southpark episodes, and made my baby bro smile a bunch of times.
Full day, no?
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Time for Mister Obvious!
If you got up at 6:40am, and fell asleep at 9:30pm, and then slept until 8am, then you are sleep deprived (well, you were until you slept for eleven hours)! Especially if this was a Friday to Saturday experience.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Beerstein Gummies
Okay, let's start with the good stuff. Mr Beerstein, my sixth period bio teacher, has all these gummy bears, right? We did this experiment with em, and he ended with a shit-load of extras. So, every now and then he offers some to his T.A. who sits right next to me. And, most of the time, I usually ask for some. But he always says, "Sorry, she's me TA." But not today.
Today, she was reading a book, and he wanted her to do some TA stuff, but she wanted to read, so he asked me to do it. For some gummies. So, long story short, I did the thing, and got two gummies. They were in like superhero wrapping, and one of em was green and the other was yellow. I couldn't tell what the green one was, but I thot the yellow one was 'the thing,' so I opened and ate the green one, which I thot was the hulk, but it had these weird ears, so it couldnt be (it turned out to be wolverine). But, it tasted so good, that I opened the other one, but... IT WASNT 'THE THING!' IT TURNED OUT TO BE FRICKIN SPIDERMAN! A YELLOW SPIDERMAN?! WTF??
So, yeah. I treasure beerstein giving me the gummies, especially since I fall asleep in his class sometimes, but i really wished he had given me less tricky gummies. I felt it was very important to know what they were before I ate em, and I almost didn't find out. Lame, huh?
btw, i reread this, and i publish it only because i hate to delete stuff I write for a blog. It seemed much more interesting right after it happened. lol
Today, she was reading a book, and he wanted her to do some TA stuff, but she wanted to read, so he asked me to do it. For some gummies. So, long story short, I did the thing, and got two gummies. They were in like superhero wrapping, and one of em was green and the other was yellow. I couldn't tell what the green one was, but I thot the yellow one was 'the thing,' so I opened and ate the green one, which I thot was the hulk, but it had these weird ears, so it couldnt be (it turned out to be wolverine). But, it tasted so good, that I opened the other one, but... IT WASNT 'THE THING!' IT TURNED OUT TO BE FRICKIN SPIDERMAN! A YELLOW SPIDERMAN?! WTF??
So, yeah. I treasure beerstein giving me the gummies, especially since I fall asleep in his class sometimes, but i really wished he had given me less tricky gummies. I felt it was very important to know what they were before I ate em, and I almost didn't find out. Lame, huh?
btw, i reread this, and i publish it only because i hate to delete stuff I write for a blog. It seemed much more interesting right after it happened. lol
Friday, October 10, 2008
Does this happen?
Okay, so there's this girl. I've been friends with her for years, and always thought she was kinda cute, but not like, girlfriend material. She went to my elementary, my middle school, and now we go to the same HS.
Usually, we only see each other between classes in the hallways, or maybe we pass each other at lunch. Every now and then however, we stop and have a chat. One such time, I had to ask her a question. So, I ask the question, she responds, and then it happens.
I leaned forward, TO KISS HER. I could not believe it. I shocked myself, and thankfully stopped myself too. Apparently halfway there, I figured out what I was doing, and stepped back. Her eyes met mine, and she knew I had just restrained myself. I dont think a disgusted look, or even a reproachful one was in her eyes, just, surprised, like me. Maybe a little curious (as to why i stopped and why i moved, i suppose).
Here's the thing, I did not consciously do that, I SWEAR. I don't know, or understand what happened. Btw, we're still friends and its not awkward, it's basically the same as before. Just, when I see her, I remember the time body took over mind, lol.
So, basically, I'm confused. I know I don't like her as more than a friend, but damn that was eerie! The only thing I can think of is that there is some underlying sexual tension between us, but I really don't get it. I have always been amazing at restraining myself from stuff like that. I've never even like, made physical movement towards a girl like that. Am I getting to the point where hormones dictate my actions? If so, that would suck.
Question: Has this happened to anyone else?
Usually, we only see each other between classes in the hallways, or maybe we pass each other at lunch. Every now and then however, we stop and have a chat. One such time, I had to ask her a question. So, I ask the question, she responds, and then it happens.
I leaned forward, TO KISS HER. I could not believe it. I shocked myself, and thankfully stopped myself too. Apparently halfway there, I figured out what I was doing, and stepped back. Her eyes met mine, and she knew I had just restrained myself. I dont think a disgusted look, or even a reproachful one was in her eyes, just, surprised, like me. Maybe a little curious (as to why i stopped and why i moved, i suppose).
Here's the thing, I did not consciously do that, I SWEAR. I don't know, or understand what happened. Btw, we're still friends and its not awkward, it's basically the same as before. Just, when I see her, I remember the time body took over mind, lol.
So, basically, I'm confused. I know I don't like her as more than a friend, but damn that was eerie! The only thing I can think of is that there is some underlying sexual tension between us, but I really don't get it. I have always been amazing at restraining myself from stuff like that. I've never even like, made physical movement towards a girl like that. Am I getting to the point where hormones dictate my actions? If so, that would suck.
Question: Has this happened to anyone else?
Sunday, September 28, 2008
And the answer to the million dollar question is: No
Apparently, I was not fit for the part
A twinge of pain, and a splintered heart
Perhaps I'll be apt around the bend
But I have a feeling, that this is the end
I'm in hard times. But instead of growing worse, or growing better, I am not only in hard times, but also what seems like doldrums. In this sort of time, I usually go to someone, and ask for help.
I was recently talking to a close friend, and expressing my upset about a situation. She said I was being selfish, and that I should care about others. I was really offended, and didn't speak to her for a long time. Unfortunately, I have only recently realized how true she was.
After going to someone, and taking their advice, I would usually discard it. I wanted a quick fix, not that stuff about "time heals all wounds." My response to that has always been, "wounds leave scars."
The truth is, everyone is different. There is a large variety for methods of healing. For some people, a quick lay will do the trick. Some need another serious relationship. Other's need time. It's a great day when someone discovers what works for them. I can only hope that I have one in my near future.
After some reflection: Before 2008, I had never been rejected. So far this year, I have been rejected twice and had one really crappy relationship. Bad year, dude.
A twinge of pain, and a splintered heart
Perhaps I'll be apt around the bend
But I have a feeling, that this is the end
I'm in hard times. But instead of growing worse, or growing better, I am not only in hard times, but also what seems like doldrums. In this sort of time, I usually go to someone, and ask for help.
I was recently talking to a close friend, and expressing my upset about a situation. She said I was being selfish, and that I should care about others. I was really offended, and didn't speak to her for a long time. Unfortunately, I have only recently realized how true she was.
After going to someone, and taking their advice, I would usually discard it. I wanted a quick fix, not that stuff about "time heals all wounds." My response to that has always been, "wounds leave scars."
The truth is, everyone is different. There is a large variety for methods of healing. For some people, a quick lay will do the trick. Some need another serious relationship. Other's need time. It's a great day when someone discovers what works for them. I can only hope that I have one in my near future.
After some reflection: Before 2008, I had never been rejected. So far this year, I have been rejected twice and had one really crappy relationship. Bad year, dude.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Another Beatle's test...
Blackbird
You have recently been given a newfound freedom. You are a very hopeful individual with a unique and creative mind. However you do not like being told what to do, and value your independence. You have a good deal of patience but may be a little insecure about yourself. However your independence will put you into new, challenging situations and you will find courage you did not know you had.
Well, that seems kind of accurate... I do think I'm creative, I like being told what to do, at an amusement park or something, but not when it comes to how to lead my life. I do value independence. I DEFINITELY have a good deal of patience, and i am more than a little insecure about myself. As for finding unknown courage, I don't know, cuz that's a prediction about the future! lol
You have recently been given a newfound freedom. You are a very hopeful individual with a unique and creative mind. However you do not like being told what to do, and value your independence. You have a good deal of patience but may be a little insecure about yourself. However your independence will put you into new, challenging situations and you will find courage you did not know you had.
Well, that seems kind of accurate... I do think I'm creative, I like being told what to do, at an amusement park or something, but not when it comes to how to lead my life. I do value independence. I DEFINITELY have a good deal of patience, and i am more than a little insecure about myself. As for finding unknown courage, I don't know, cuz that's a prediction about the future! lol
Monday, June 23, 2008
Have your ever felt like you're not ready to wake up in the morning?
Have you ever felt like you're not ready to wake up in the morning? And I don't mean, because you haven't finished your homework, or you need to make a cake and get a bunch of presents for someone. And I don't mean, in the morning. Have you ever felt like you're not ready to wake up in the morning, at night?
Tomorrow (today, actually) should be great. I'm gonna hang out with my friend, and play video games, we're probably gonna go the 7-11 and get Monster and chips and candy and then play more video games. Why the fuck shouldn't I be ready to wake up?
Is it the stress, from my girlfriend who puts odd pressures on me, while saying she can't see us together anymore (thank, God)? Is it the fact that all of my writing is strained and my new shit is terrible? Is it the fact, that I'm in love with the wrong person? Is it the fact that I have the nerve to write any of this down?
Am I being dramatic? Yes. Do I think about myself too often? Yes. Am I selfish? Sometimes. Does any part of anything matter? We can hope, can't we?
Who the hell am I to have an opinion of this world? I view it as a piece of ridiculous shit not worth my time, and I spend half my time wishing it was different, and the other half wishing it was just better.
Am I a cynical and angsty teenager? Yes. Am I unhappy with my life? Yes. Do I like muffins? Yes. Am I so self-centered that I basically lied to a girl who showed interest in me so that I wouldn't feel awkward? You know, I really wish I could say "no."
What the fuck is wrong with me that I have to announce to the public what I'm going through? I feel detached from all the people I would've once taken a bullet for, but would still take the bullet. I feel like I don't know or understand my best friends.
Do I have any talent as a writer? We'll figure that out eventually. Did I miss the opportunity for happiness? Probably. Am I bitching to myself and recording it for the public (or the few, if any, people still checking this blog)? Yes.
I just realized that I don't have the guts to change my life in the way it needs to be changed. A new door is opening though. High school, how I loathe thee.
High school, should I compare thee to a fair summer day?
Yes, I will, because i fucking hate the sun.
Everything think of me as a little crazier? Don't know what you just thought so tell me if ya read this.
Tomorrow (today, actually) should be great. I'm gonna hang out with my friend, and play video games, we're probably gonna go the 7-11 and get Monster and chips and candy and then play more video games. Why the fuck shouldn't I be ready to wake up?
Is it the stress, from my girlfriend who puts odd pressures on me, while saying she can't see us together anymore (thank, God)? Is it the fact that all of my writing is strained and my new shit is terrible? Is it the fact, that I'm in love with the wrong person? Is it the fact that I have the nerve to write any of this down?
Am I being dramatic? Yes. Do I think about myself too often? Yes. Am I selfish? Sometimes. Does any part of anything matter? We can hope, can't we?
Who the hell am I to have an opinion of this world? I view it as a piece of ridiculous shit not worth my time, and I spend half my time wishing it was different, and the other half wishing it was just better.
Am I a cynical and angsty teenager? Yes. Am I unhappy with my life? Yes. Do I like muffins? Yes. Am I so self-centered that I basically lied to a girl who showed interest in me so that I wouldn't feel awkward? You know, I really wish I could say "no."
What the fuck is wrong with me that I have to announce to the public what I'm going through? I feel detached from all the people I would've once taken a bullet for, but would still take the bullet. I feel like I don't know or understand my best friends.
Do I have any talent as a writer? We'll figure that out eventually. Did I miss the opportunity for happiness? Probably. Am I bitching to myself and recording it for the public (or the few, if any, people still checking this blog)? Yes.
I just realized that I don't have the guts to change my life in the way it needs to be changed. A new door is opening though. High school, how I loathe thee.
High school, should I compare thee to a fair summer day?
Yes, I will, because i fucking hate the sun.
Everything think of me as a little crazier? Don't know what you just thought so tell me if ya read this.
Friday, March 21, 2008
This dream was so f***ing weird....
Okay, so I'm in this forest area with a lot of people (mostly friends). Kind of a random collection of them. And there's this small lake in front of us. Maybe twenty feet, but really deep. And on the other side there was a little shack that was apparently a Lost and Found center. And apparently most people had lost something. Like, Henry had lost a bucket and Carly needed sixteen bags (I got the impression they were big and wondered how she would carry them). There was a small dirt pathway next to the lake to get there. So for some reason I decided to scramble there and I kinda pushed around and got to the shack. Then I was the first one inside and I walked up to the counter. There were various objects on the floor. When I was standing in front of this huge lady I remembered I hadn't lost anything. Feeling rather embarrassed that rushed past all these people who needed something when I did not, I turned tail and left. I also felt bad that I had pushed people around without a justified reason.
I began to walk across the dirt path when I was staring into the lake. I stopped dead in my tracks. It looked like a shark was swimming across the bottom of the lake back and forth, like in caves at the edges. A past acquaintance of mine, Jackie, had her foot in the lake. Even though I didn't like her much, I warned everyone of the shark. At first no one believed me but then I pointed it out, and everyone saw. Jackie quickly retracted her foot, and everyone began to back away from the lake. For some reason we couldn't go past the shack, only back the way we came. So we all began to do that, and the shark burst its head out of the water, and the whole forest area flooded. At this point, the shark turned into like a star shaped giant yellow squid or something. It had long yellow tentacles, but they had no suckers. But everyone could tell they were strong. So we all began to swim away. Looking back, I noticed that a friend of mine, Carly, was lagging a lot. And so I swam back a little, to help her, but as soon as I reached her she sped forward (like ridiculously fast). So I tried to catch up to her, and she started lagging again so I did. Then she was slow for awhile, and I was staying behind to help her. Then she sped forward ridiculously fast again and escaped. Meanwhile, the giant squid thing started to like create a small suction force thing, and this other girl, Raquel, and I were sucked in. The thing then picked up Raquel and broke her in half. Upon seeing this, you can imagine my fear. Then two tentacles started to come for me. I was surprised when I batted one aside, and made a tear on the other by pulling at it, when it broke Raquel with such minimal effort. Then I saw it had a weak spot. Like, where all the tentacles came together it had a small patch of soft tissue, with no beak. Not knowing what else to do, I punched it. To my surprise, it died at this point. Then I went home.
When I got home, I apparently had become Michael from Arrested Development. And I heard voice saying "And when Michael got home, He discovered the alien's brain function's had spread to his household appliances." The alien was apparently the squid thing, and whatever its brain function's were, it made all of vacuums and lights, and whatnot have a mind of there own and the vacuums started to bump into me. Not hard, but like they were nagging.
Then I woke up. After Andrew had a dream in Andrew's Travels 2, he wakes up and says "What the fuck?!" That was exactly my reaction. I think the Arrested Development thing came up cuz I was watching it last night. Maybe the shark became a squid cuz my brain didnt wanna deal with a shark, or maybe because I was watching this thing about giant squids last night (that thing was not, I repeat, was not a giant squid, it was a made up imaginary thing). After that, I have no clue. This has probably been the weirdest dream I've had, and certainly the most dumbfounding. Anyway, thought I'd share with the world how random my brain can be. See? It's not my fault I'm so weird.
**Note: The following comments from myself and Henry are nonsensical with no intellectual merit**
I began to walk across the dirt path when I was staring into the lake. I stopped dead in my tracks. It looked like a shark was swimming across the bottom of the lake back and forth, like in caves at the edges. A past acquaintance of mine, Jackie, had her foot in the lake. Even though I didn't like her much, I warned everyone of the shark. At first no one believed me but then I pointed it out, and everyone saw. Jackie quickly retracted her foot, and everyone began to back away from the lake. For some reason we couldn't go past the shack, only back the way we came. So we all began to do that, and the shark burst its head out of the water, and the whole forest area flooded. At this point, the shark turned into like a star shaped giant yellow squid or something. It had long yellow tentacles, but they had no suckers. But everyone could tell they were strong. So we all began to swim away. Looking back, I noticed that a friend of mine, Carly, was lagging a lot. And so I swam back a little, to help her, but as soon as I reached her she sped forward (like ridiculously fast). So I tried to catch up to her, and she started lagging again so I did. Then she was slow for awhile, and I was staying behind to help her. Then she sped forward ridiculously fast again and escaped. Meanwhile, the giant squid thing started to like create a small suction force thing, and this other girl, Raquel, and I were sucked in. The thing then picked up Raquel and broke her in half. Upon seeing this, you can imagine my fear. Then two tentacles started to come for me. I was surprised when I batted one aside, and made a tear on the other by pulling at it, when it broke Raquel with such minimal effort. Then I saw it had a weak spot. Like, where all the tentacles came together it had a small patch of soft tissue, with no beak. Not knowing what else to do, I punched it. To my surprise, it died at this point. Then I went home.
When I got home, I apparently had become Michael from Arrested Development. And I heard voice saying "And when Michael got home, He discovered the alien's brain function's had spread to his household appliances." The alien was apparently the squid thing, and whatever its brain function's were, it made all of vacuums and lights, and whatnot have a mind of there own and the vacuums started to bump into me. Not hard, but like they were nagging.
Then I woke up. After Andrew had a dream in Andrew's Travels 2, he wakes up and says "What the fuck?!" That was exactly my reaction. I think the Arrested Development thing came up cuz I was watching it last night. Maybe the shark became a squid cuz my brain didnt wanna deal with a shark, or maybe because I was watching this thing about giant squids last night (that thing was not, I repeat, was not a giant squid, it was a made up imaginary thing). After that, I have no clue. This has probably been the weirdest dream I've had, and certainly the most dumbfounding. Anyway, thought I'd share with the world how random my brain can be. See? It's not my fault I'm so weird.
**Note: The following comments from myself and Henry are nonsensical with no intellectual merit**
Another late night blog..this one started later
Hello, I'm back again. This is the second time this week I have blogged when tired and/or jittery late at night. Though, the last one ended around 2 in the morn. This one begins about then. I'm starting to blog more, hmmm..maybe this'll become a habit.
I think possibly the reason I blog so late at night is because I'm slightly inhibited logically because of my tiredness. Also, I have had two monsters in the last two days. This has been a mistake. I am feeling the crash, but am still jittery. I tend to have less logic when tired.
I think I have a bone bruise. When ever I flex my arm, or extend/contract it (right arm) I have this pain on my elbow. Feeling around, I discovered it right on a place where two bones meet. My bro says its a bone bruise, but I have come to worry because of the fact that two bones meet there that the cartilage might've worn away. This would be a really bad sign (especially since this usually necessitates a joint replacement, and that it usually only happens to old people). Anyway, thats painful.
I took to "nervous, nauseous, pacing" a while ago (eh, fifteen minutes). My stomach was out of whack in a pain way (most likely cuz of that blasted monster), nervous in my stomach like an intestinal pain (the last time i recall having this sort of feeling, it was right before i asked out a girl), and the pacing was probly cuz i am so jittery cause of that confounded monster! Likely the excess of caffeine, ginseng, and taurine caused all of the symptoms, but that only infuriates me further.
All of this seems odd in reflection, because I am not in a bad mood. Maybe it all seems better cause I've written about it. I don't feel physically good, and remain pessimistic, but I am not in a bad mood. There's a green vase in front of me, that looks like a green flower in the process of blooming. There are orange pillows behind me. I think this cools me down, because i like orange and the mix of flower and green make me happy. I've just realized how fruity all that sounds. C'mon, give me a break; I'm tired.
**written in only 16 minutes btw (the other took almost an hour i think)**
I think possibly the reason I blog so late at night is because I'm slightly inhibited logically because of my tiredness. Also, I have had two monsters in the last two days. This has been a mistake. I am feeling the crash, but am still jittery. I tend to have less logic when tired.
I think I have a bone bruise. When ever I flex my arm, or extend/contract it (right arm) I have this pain on my elbow. Feeling around, I discovered it right on a place where two bones meet. My bro says its a bone bruise, but I have come to worry because of the fact that two bones meet there that the cartilage might've worn away. This would be a really bad sign (especially since this usually necessitates a joint replacement, and that it usually only happens to old people). Anyway, thats painful.
I took to "nervous, nauseous, pacing" a while ago (eh, fifteen minutes). My stomach was out of whack in a pain way (most likely cuz of that blasted monster), nervous in my stomach like an intestinal pain (the last time i recall having this sort of feeling, it was right before i asked out a girl), and the pacing was probly cuz i am so jittery cause of that confounded monster! Likely the excess of caffeine, ginseng, and taurine caused all of the symptoms, but that only infuriates me further.
All of this seems odd in reflection, because I am not in a bad mood. Maybe it all seems better cause I've written about it. I don't feel physically good, and remain pessimistic, but I am not in a bad mood. There's a green vase in front of me, that looks like a green flower in the process of blooming. There are orange pillows behind me. I think this cools me down, because i like orange and the mix of flower and green make me happy. I've just realized how fruity all that sounds. C'mon, give me a break; I'm tired.
**written in only 16 minutes btw (the other took almost an hour i think)**
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Go down a little...
Hey, I wrote a draft and then wrote a new blog out of it so its below "Does everyone remember when..." If you'd like to check out the new blog, you just have to scroll down.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Does everyone remember when...
Does everyone remember when I got the "Which Beatles Song Describes Your Life Right Now?" result and it was Yesterday (depressing..as hell). Guess what? I was thinking about it earlier and I decided to take the test again. I did take it, and the results were different.
All You Need is Love
You are a warm, optimistic person who gets along with almost everyone. You have compassion for almost all living things and you have a strong desire to help others. People find your smile irresistible, as well as your sunny attitude towards life. With a little bit of love, you know that there's nothing you can't achieve.
Although this doesn't sound like me (i am so not optimistic, and my smile is putrescent..and sunny attitude! Gaffaw!), I like it better than yesterday. Yesterday was depressing cause I found so much truth in it. This one is positive though I don't identify with it. I don't know why, but the fact that I don't identify with it at all doesn't bother me. I think I'm glad.
All You Need is Love
You are a warm, optimistic person who gets along with almost everyone. You have compassion for almost all living things and you have a strong desire to help others. People find your smile irresistible, as well as your sunny attitude towards life. With a little bit of love, you know that there's nothing you can't achieve.
Although this doesn't sound like me (i am so not optimistic, and my smile is putrescent..and sunny attitude! Gaffaw!), I like it better than yesterday. Yesterday was depressing cause I found so much truth in it. This one is positive though I don't identify with it. I don't know why, but the fact that I don't identify with it at all doesn't bother me. I think I'm glad.
Writers block...Go in that corner over there, nobody likes you and your phase is over!
Okay, start from the beginning. Lately, I have been having a writers block and only one thing has come out of it.
I can't write (doo doo dee doo)
I can't write (doo doo dee doo)
Cause something isn't going right
And I didn't write that. A friend did. So, when your a writer and you go through a period when someone else is describing what you cant, its bad for you (though it was hilarious when written and remains so). I recently came out of the block. I have began to write more on "Il n'y a rien plus importante que l'amour." I have also completed some lyrics, and started others. I have lots of ideas for songs and/or poems, but I don't feel better. Back in the day when I was cranking things out on a regular basis, it was almost all sad. All negative. None of them were happy. The one I wrote and completed most recently was saved as a draft on Gmail. The title of the song was AWAY. But, I made the subject "Amour! No es bueno!" In English, this means "Love! It's not good!" So, needless to say, it was fairly negative. I'm not sure why. I wrote in a rather cheerful mood, and most of it was, stuff like "we mesh so well." I was originally planning on posting it on this blog, but I decided against it. I found it personal and am not sure its ready to be released to the wild. Although, I am considering making a new blog persona and posting lyrics and poems I've written and hopefully will continue to write there.
Quivering in indecision
A quick blurr hazing my vision
She walks right past
Doesn't make it last
I cant think its anything
Perhaps just a teasing fling
I have the urge to act
Action is what I lacked
Giving up seems futile
Despite rigor being brutal
I somehow remain unabated
Yet am quite obviously deflated
I am so tired
Yet am so wired
Not for living persay
And not for the next day
I wrote this just now, while blogging. Seemed the thing to do. It doesn't have a title, and its a poem, not lyrics. Not my best work, but I am still getting back into the groove. Like I was saying, I have been able to write for the last few days, but I feel little different. I am relieved though. A friend of mine recently told me, perhaps the reason I couldn't write is because I used up all of my lyrics and poems. I spent thirteen years getting the emotion for em and now they're drained. She said that now I was just filling up again. I like this analogy. I've begun to drain again, so I guess another "block" is coming up eventually. Can I say how irritating it is to not be able to leak these things out? Its like an itch, and I've just been able to reach that place thats just too far out of reach on my back, and start itching. Reading over that, its a gross metaphor but I think the point gets across.
On a pleasanter note I went to the SD zoo 2day. All of the jungle cats reminded me of Hat-Shep-Suit. I missed her a lot when I saw the Lynx's especially. Then I got home and had to do the litter box (yechhh! Hadnt been done since Mon morning so it was pretty terrible). But now she is curled up in a little ball next to me purring (aka I better get going and pet her). Also, I'd like to apologize for the time this long blog may have taken up. I just needed to get somethings off my chest (and apparently write a poem!).
Btw, Hat would say goodnight but she's too busy being asleep. Normally I'd blame this on feline laziness, but seeing as its 1:43 in the morning, I can't really blame her. I should be sleeping too, so goodnight everyone (or those reading).
I can't write (doo doo dee doo)
I can't write (doo doo dee doo)
Cause something isn't going right
And I didn't write that. A friend did. So, when your a writer and you go through a period when someone else is describing what you cant, its bad for you (though it was hilarious when written and remains so). I recently came out of the block. I have began to write more on "Il n'y a rien plus importante que l'amour." I have also completed some lyrics, and started others. I have lots of ideas for songs and/or poems, but I don't feel better. Back in the day when I was cranking things out on a regular basis, it was almost all sad. All negative. None of them were happy. The one I wrote and completed most recently was saved as a draft on Gmail. The title of the song was AWAY. But, I made the subject "Amour! No es bueno!" In English, this means "Love! It's not good!" So, needless to say, it was fairly negative. I'm not sure why. I wrote in a rather cheerful mood, and most of it was, stuff like "we mesh so well." I was originally planning on posting it on this blog, but I decided against it. I found it personal and am not sure its ready to be released to the wild. Although, I am considering making a new blog persona and posting lyrics and poems I've written and hopefully will continue to write there.
Quivering in indecision
A quick blurr hazing my vision
She walks right past
Doesn't make it last
I cant think its anything
Perhaps just a teasing fling
I have the urge to act
Action is what I lacked
Giving up seems futile
Despite rigor being brutal
I somehow remain unabated
Yet am quite obviously deflated
I am so tired
Yet am so wired
Not for living persay
And not for the next day
I wrote this just now, while blogging. Seemed the thing to do. It doesn't have a title, and its a poem, not lyrics. Not my best work, but I am still getting back into the groove. Like I was saying, I have been able to write for the last few days, but I feel little different. I am relieved though. A friend of mine recently told me, perhaps the reason I couldn't write is because I used up all of my lyrics and poems. I spent thirteen years getting the emotion for em and now they're drained. She said that now I was just filling up again. I like this analogy. I've begun to drain again, so I guess another "block" is coming up eventually. Can I say how irritating it is to not be able to leak these things out? Its like an itch, and I've just been able to reach that place thats just too far out of reach on my back, and start itching. Reading over that, its a gross metaphor but I think the point gets across.
On a pleasanter note I went to the SD zoo 2day. All of the jungle cats reminded me of Hat-Shep-Suit. I missed her a lot when I saw the Lynx's especially. Then I got home and had to do the litter box (yechhh! Hadnt been done since Mon morning so it was pretty terrible). But now she is curled up in a little ball next to me purring (aka I better get going and pet her). Also, I'd like to apologize for the time this long blog may have taken up. I just needed to get somethings off my chest (and apparently write a poem!).
Btw, Hat would say goodnight but she's too busy being asleep. Normally I'd blame this on feline laziness, but seeing as its 1:43 in the morning, I can't really blame her. I should be sleeping too, so goodnight everyone (or those reading).
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Am I the ball or the racket?
Guess who won the second and third game of raquetball today? That would be...
My dad!
But to the point, guess who won the first game? That would be me. Oh yeah. I pwn. And I didn't get to 21, which is the winning score. I got to 23. Oh yeah. I pwn. Anyway, I guess I'm just really awesome.
I payed for my victory.
My back and knees are in extraordinary pain...excuse me while I go cry..
lol, jk
My dad!
But to the point, guess who won the first game? That would be me. Oh yeah. I pwn. And I didn't get to 21, which is the winning score. I got to 23. Oh yeah. I pwn. Anyway, I guess I'm just really awesome.
I payed for my victory.
My back and knees are in extraordinary pain...excuse me while I go cry..
lol, jk
Monday, February 18, 2008
That path was stupid...
I don't want to leave my blog where I left off, even if nobody ever looked at it again. But whatever. The boulder was a rejection from a girl i asked out. I don't want dynamite. I understand the basis of the rejection, it's totally cool, and I get it. That path was stupid. I'm gonna avoid it. Maybe the current path will has a delta type thing coming up, or a fork, but it doesnt matter. My life isn't terrible right now, and I'm fairly content (though more writing time wouldn't be a problem [lol]). I don't think the blog feels finished, but if I kept writing I'd just be rambling on.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Goddamn it
Well, sometimes when you strike a new path there's something in the way. A boulder for instance. Lets say its a boulder. I dont have any dynamite. I can't remove this boulder. The only thing I can do is work backwards to the other path, and keep going on that one. Maybe I'll find some dynamite on this path. Or maybe someone will give me some dynamite. Who knows?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Yesterday
Wow. I have had these results for awhile. Since I got them I have listened to the song Yesterday several times. It has certainly become one of my favorite Beatles songs. These results hit me on the head...hard. I don't want them to be true, but my first instinct was WTF? How did they know?? Everyone I have asked said that it hits the nail on the head for me.
Yesterday
You have a tendency to focus on the past: past mistakes, past happiness, past love. Everything seems easier and simpler in retrospect. You are quite sentimental and you have a good heart. As your life progresses, a lot of things you once valued will become unimportant to you, and some of the things you did not care about before will become extremely valuable to you. Maturity will sharpen your perspective, but those happy, simple times of coloring and tag will always remain in your memory. And waiting just ahead of you are even more wonderful memories to be made.
It has an upbeat ending, I guess. But it really depresses me because I see so much truth in it. After getting it, I have tried hard to become the person different from the one who go these results.
Work as if you don't need the money.
Love as if you have never been hurt.
Dance as if no one is watching.
I have almost always followed the third one (and made an ass of myself every time). The second strikes a chord. I am always afraid, not just of love-ache, but other things (all emotional). I have decided to strike a new path. The other me can just go screw himself.
*added afterward*
I still want to be sentimental and good hearted, and there are some things that will never lose value.
Yesterday
You have a tendency to focus on the past: past mistakes, past happiness, past love. Everything seems easier and simpler in retrospect. You are quite sentimental and you have a good heart. As your life progresses, a lot of things you once valued will become unimportant to you, and some of the things you did not care about before will become extremely valuable to you. Maturity will sharpen your perspective, but those happy, simple times of coloring and tag will always remain in your memory. And waiting just ahead of you are even more wonderful memories to be made.
It has an upbeat ending, I guess. But it really depresses me because I see so much truth in it. After getting it, I have tried hard to become the person different from the one who go these results.
Work as if you don't need the money.
Love as if you have never been hurt.
Dance as if no one is watching.
I have almost always followed the third one (and made an ass of myself every time). The second strikes a chord. I am always afraid, not just of love-ache, but other things (all emotional). I have decided to strike a new path. The other me can just go screw himself.
*added afterward*
I still want to be sentimental and good hearted, and there are some things that will never lose value.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)