An all around update

I am a writer. I write in many different ways. I have been writing poetry, scripts, books, short stories, essays, lyrics, and other stuff. I have several book ideas going on right now, and I have been thinking about some short stories, occasionally i come up with a new song, essays are rare, scripts are common, but i dont work on them often, and i love poetry, though like songs, new ones are at best occasional.

A friend recently asked me if writing was how I vented feelings. I kind of do. I vent my sad feelings by writing, and my happy ones. I have written two angry songs, and neither are pleasant. I didnt like writing them much, but it really helped.

Anger is vented mostly by being angry. When I am angry there are two ways I vent with music. One is to listen to happy Beatles songs (ie. A Hard Day's Night, Eight Days A Week, etc.), but when I am angry sometimes I listen to angry music (Rammstein), which accelerates the feelings, but it keeps me pleasant around company. Sometimes I get mean though. When I look back on experiences when I was mean, I really don't like them. Being mean when I am angry makes me very upset, probably more so than when I was angry, but in a sad way, not an angry way.


I had the most horrible realization the other day. Me and my bro were out buying laundry detergeant for my mom, and there was cleaning supplies on the other side. I saw "Easy-Bam off!" and I thought to myself, "Hey, when I'm older thats what I want in my bathroom." Then I realized what that meant. In five years, I will be in my freshman year of college, and living alone (or with a roommate). I will have to buy my cleaning supplies, and laundry detergeant. Then I saw the price for "Easy-Bam Off!" It was 6.49. This may sound cheap, but that seemed like a lot of money, especially when I will need another in a few weeks. 6.49 is nothing. But when you add sponges, paper towels, silverware, laundry detergeant, dish soap, shampoo, body soap, conditioner, tooth paste, tooth brushes, mouth rinse, tissue, toilet paper, windex, regular towels, and all the other stuff, most of which has to be replaced often, that is a lot of money. And I will have to shop for all that stuff too. And thats just keeping a house going. What about when I have kids?? Diapers, toys, diapers, clothes, diapers. Then more toys, ipod, phone, all this stuff. I have no concept of money. I have a job, make money, spend it. But in reality I pay for nothing. I will work and spend. Is that what my whole life will be?? Wow, this is depressing.

Talking about life. I feel young. I feel ignorant and like I lack too much knowledge. I also have no idea what to do with my life. I hate my indecision.But, what the hell. I'm 14. People who know exactly what they wanna do with their life for sure when they're 14 should open their mind to more. lol

THE GMAIL CONSPIRACY!!!!

I was signing on to gmail today when I realized there was something wrong. After signing on there is usually a loading screen. The window is blank, and there is a red, underlined sign that says loading usually, which is in the top left hand corner. This time, there was a loading sign slightly below the left corner, but it was black and bold. I am beginning to investigate the case. Now, be patient everyone, I am no Carly Frankel, but I do have ability. Although.....I have only even begun to theorize one thing. The whole difference in gmail is the font change on the loading screen. Hmmmmm.... font change...

I've got it! Font change! This case must be related to the Raisin Bran conspiracy! Interesting progression... I must consult with Frankel!

I am back everyone, I will be surprised if anyone reads this though...

Hello, my name is John. Thank you, sir. Your welcome, sir. Nice to meet you. [Random name], good to see you. What are these? The things i say to be polite. My mom tells me often how polite I am. Well.....I have to say....SCREW THAT!

I am sick of being nice and people being assholes. Most of the people i am nice to are nice to me, but what about the 99.999% of the earth's population i have never met?? People are jerks! All the time! I AM SICK OF IT. Before i have a chance to be polite, they are a dick. WTF? And if not, its some racist biggoted pinprick who decides it'd be helpful to have me as a frined. What jerks humans are. I feel like punching these people, but good ol' John is too nice for that. Or is that I am afraid? Of consequences. I hate them. I hate myself too. I just read a blog from my aunty tricia, and she was talking about how she always knew who she was, but could never accept it. I feel both ways. I have no clue who I am, and I'm sure if/when i find out, I will be disappointed in myself. This is a lose lose situation. Should I constantly give in to urges, and be what my guts says to be, no matter what my brain says. My "E's" in skool would disappear. Ugh, just thinking about some of my teachers is making me fume. I wish I could just walk up to them, laugh in their face, ask them if they think i am stupid, and then before they can reply tell them that obviously they consider my stupid when they themselves are too stupid to see me. What jerks. GOD! WTF?! Maybe I am just in a foul mood, which upsets me cuz 30 minutes ago I was in a fabulous mood. I hate skool. I want to quit. But I love my history teacher, he is super intelligent, and I listen to everything he says. If he could teach all my classes skool would rock. Where is this all coming from? Is it just recent events, or am I just letting out long hidden things. I hate to think about what a nice kid i used to be. I feel like a dick 2! And I say that going, "but I put up with so much" but I really dont. Mentally at least. Anger builds up and I release it in things. i dont even no where i am releasing it. Is this the first time I am releasing it? I no I can be a prick, but it is usually in a calculated way. Not anger. Not hot anger at least. Cold Anger. I wish I had known that i would get to Cold Anger when I wrote the title for the blog. I am a jerk. Cold calculated anger is so much worse than screaming I think. Then why do I do it? Self control issues? "Crimes of Passion?" I wonder if people who read this are going to go, "what a freak, how do i hang out with him??" I consider myself mature, but this blog seems so juvenile. I knew from the beginning i was going to post it, but my gut says "DONT!!" But we both no I am going too. Ugh, the critics are going to be tough.

COLD ANGER


(added after rereading this)
HOW JUVENILE!

What should I start with? Attempting to be an artist, or the limitations of age?

I just read a blog that my aunt tricia posted. She was talking about her struggle as an artist and disappointments when things dont go the way you planned. You try and try to realize your a brilliant artist, fortunately for tricia, she already has. She's a brilliant actress, just waiting for the right oppurtunity. I am realizing that i am a descent writer, and working on a great idea. Ideas flow from my brain, and the plot progresses, characters develope, and now.....dead end. I cannot decide on a major plot point that will determine two characters problems and interactions for the rest of the book. So, what do I do? Do i take the easy way out, and erase it all together, incorporate what it means in some other fashion, or spend the days necessary to work it into the plot, probably delaying the first draft by over a week or two. I feel trapped, with brainstormer;s block. Unable to act, because it would pivot the whole book, and almost ruin it, if i made the wrong descision.

Moving on to the limitations of age. Too tired. I'll talk about it later.

This...well..work is....idk

I feel totally out of place in the office. I feel like i am doing grunt work that people tell me they appreciate so that I keep doing it. I feel like everyone views me as unprofessional, but at the same time, i feel unprofessional too, especially when i have no belt (mom!). I also feel kind of alone, because there is no one very close to my age, except Helen, but she is out of the office right now. Sometimes i also get the feeling that maybe I am in over my head, like, "I'm just a kid, y am i working at a job??" It feels like i am wasting time, like, i could be working on a script, or reading a book, or playing with the cats, or going on hikes, or writing songs, or doing random ass dumb teenager stuff. Still, I cant complain, $150 dollar checks every two weeks is really nice, but i keep asking myself if it's worth it. My mom keeps telling me that if i wasnt there, she would be doing the work i am, and because i am there, she doesnt have to so she can do her job instead of trying to do a million things, and getting nothing accomplished in the mean time. Me and my bro started working on a new project, but i feel like that one is being crushed by our schedules. And in a week i am leaving town for a week. What will happen to the ideas with chris? How will things go at the office? Will people be glad i'm not there, sad i'm not there, or simply indifferent? How will things go in RE4? Ugh, sometimes i bable on. Like i started the blog, with the specific purpose of talking about work, and end talking about random stuff, and then talk about how i am feeling during the blog. Like, i have all my feelings from the day being poured in, but my current emotions are going in at the same time. And now i am discussing the blog writing process. I think its odd how my mind works, sometimes it feels like my train's of thought, have no linear plot. Lol, i just rhymed without meaning to..wow. Now i am totally embarassed and am thinking about not posting the blog, but have now decided that i dont want to bottle up feelings. Now reading the text i've written. Thinking about war of the worlds and how the crazy guy in the basement that tom cruise hides with makes the pun "dead set on living." Thinking about his expression while he says it. About what his name is...Tim Robin perhaps? idk, btw, before i wrote the previous sentence i imagined it in my mind typed on the screen, lol. I also thought about the shotgun he was holding when he said it, which reminds me of resident evil 4, the game me and my bro are playing, cuz it looks just like the first shotgun u get in it. This reminds of the place where u get it, the village, which reminds me of the mercenaries mode for the village, which makes me think about the docks mercenary mode map, which makes me think about the island mercenary map, which makes me think about the character u unlock by doing it, which is Hunk, which makes me think about the character u get for doing the docks, which is Wesker, which makes me think about the character you get for doing the castle which is Krauser. Now i realize this blog is totally boring. I have typed for a while now, simply writing my train of thought. I hope this hasnt discouraged people from reading furture posts, i know most people wont (especially tricia), but i still worry. Now i worry that tricia will feel like i expect it of her to read my pointless blog all the time, and therefore will feel like she shouldnt. Maybe i should stop blogging, this seems like an outlet that could work, but isnt. idk, i am in a weird mood right now.

I am leaving town on th 22nd

I am going to visit my awesome Aunt Tricia in New York City!! Yipee!! ("yipee??" "Hey, my attitude has latitude") Anyway, so yeah. I am going to have the most awesome time and i will be gone for a week. So yeah. I really cannot wait, you know i love everyone i know in LA, but these next twelve days will not go nearly fast enough. Not nearly. Anyway, so yeah. Going to New York, gonna have a blast with two of the coolest people I no, and yeah.

On other news, the latest addition to the family is Hat. Hat-shep-suite (pronounched hat-shep-suit) is the new momma kitty we just rescued. She was very mean at first but that is because she had inflamed nipples cuz her kittens werent breast feeding anymore, but now her nipples are no longer inflamed so she is doing great. She is the sweetest and cutest thing ever, but my bro still is weird around her cuz she bit him really hard while she still had inflamed nipples. So now he makes fun of her, by calling her "nipples" or "inflamed nipples lady." Anyway, yeah. The only problem is Chester and Cibil dont like her cuz she's new or sumtin. Anyway, me and my bro regularly have to break up the fights that ensue. Anyway, yeah.

I really felt like i used the word nipples a lot in this blog. I hope it doesnt make all my uptight readers uncomfortable, lol.

A Place where you can like, be free....or sumtin

Racquet ball courts!! Yay! Racquet ball is awesome! Me and my bro and my dad play and it is really fun. I was totally powned when i played, but i am hoping that thats cuz i had never played real raquet ball before. But i did some really killer shots that were like impossible to retaliate 2, and it scared my bro and dad, cuz i did 3 killer shots in a row once, muahhaha! A killer shot is when u hit it at the very base of the wall and it bounces really fast really low to the ground. in other words, a shot impossible to hit before it bounces twice. I also really like it cuz i literally forget every trouble in the world when i play. Its really fun and i really like it, but there is a downside. I got hit three times with the ball, cuz it goes so fast, and is so tiny. That makes it really hard to dodge if its coming for u. The first time we werent even playing a game, and it hit me right between the eyes, totally dead on. The second time, it hit me on the left side of my face in the jaw, and the third hit me in the left side of my face in the jaw, half an inch higher. It really hurt, and made me sorta dizzy, but i totally think it was worth it. I would want to share with all my friends and stuff, but i really dont want them to get hurt.

Camp Chris

This summer, and last summer, to baby sit my cousin on mondays, and give me something to do, my brother hosts camp chris. Basically, we go around town doing stuff, hanging out, listening to awesome music, and doing fun stuff. But this summer Marisa will be able to join us for part 1 of camp chris. We have lots of fun and just do stuff, so yeah. Recently i had my first slounge day (day in which i am unbeleievably bored) and so i totally look forward to mondays now.

Totally forget the previous blog

So yeah. Pretend the last blog never was posted. My passion might have been tap-dancing but it will not be pursued. So, yeah.

I have found a new passion!!

So, I was waiting for my mom to come pick me up earlier. It seemed like she was running a little late, so I decided to go outside and wait there. I couldnt find my shoes so I put on an old pair i had in the closet. They were pretty heavy dress shoes i had. Outside, while walking, I noticed that they had a loud sound on the cement. It reminded me of Happy Feet, where the main character is a tap-dancer. I started to try it....tap-tap. Tap-tap-tappity-tap-tap. I LOVED IT! I did it for like fifteen minutes, and about 8 minutes in, i decided to go inside, but i was having so much fun that i couldnt stop! I literally could not help it, over 100 degrees outside but i could not stop. I was having so much fun that i just kept dancing. And it seems perfect, cuz i am always messing around with music but i am never able to get my hips and upper body work with dancing well. But with tap dancing, i can work my feet and legs perfectly. I LOVE TAP DANCING!! Gosh, it is really fun and works out ridiculously, i got tired so fast but had the time of my life! Gotta go, I LOVE TAP DANCING!

I got a job! (and other things)

Note: some mild profanity later on


Hello everyone, so yeah. I have some cool news! I got a job!

I am now working at my grandfather's lawoffice. It is a great job for many reasons but one is that i am working alongside my uncle Ty, my mom, and my grandpapa. I also like it because i am working and doing stuff about the court, and law (mostly family law), and when i have a question about something, i can ask my uncle or carla (not u carly, lol) because they know a lot of that kind of stuff, like, yesterday i asked carla about the bar exam, and my uncle about fiduciary's. btw, i work the mornings for about 3-4-5 hours a day. In the afternoon adeep comes in and does the regular filing. It is also a great job because it is a total worker bee job. I scan the thing into the comp, convert it 2 a pdf, then save it in the right folder. It is totally repetitive, but i like that. It allows me to think about other things, like my scripts, songs, or poems (not that i havent written a song or poem for ever!! but thats a different story). The only thing that is pissing me off about this job is that there is some problem with my pay, and taxes and stuff. GRRRRRRRRR. And plus, i wont get my first paycheck for weeks. P to the F to the T. PFT.

Now to all my aim buddies who have received, via email, that i have a new sn. It is johnscanner1783. Like I said before part of my job is to scan things into the comp, so i have a scanner next 2 me. So one time, my mom said (she needed something scanned) "oh Scanner boy! Come quickly, i have something for u to scan!" (thats just paraphrasing). And carla repeated scanner boy to herself a few times, and then said somehting along these lines "to more dignify john y dont we say 'john scanner,' instead of the demeaning 'scanner boy.'" so yeah. it stuck and i got a nickname from carla, yipee!

On to the next order of business, i will talk about the pets at my mom's house. Starting with the mammals.

We have two feline mammals. We have a calico cat named Cibil, because she has a line running down her face, and a tiger-like looking cat, named Chester, Cibil is black and light brown and sitting right in front me (soooooo cute!). Chester is grey and black striped and hiding under the piano bench becuz he hates everyone, lol. Cibil is mildy pudgy, and Chester is fat. Names for Cibil are: Cibil, and Bitch. Names for Chester are: Chester, Jester, and Chester Jester/Jester Chester. Cibil's nickname is Bith becuz she is one. We think Chester would eat us if he was big enuf. When u stop petting Cibil, even for a second, she scracthes u. It;s really annoying. She also has these little, wut we call feline orgasms, when u pat her above the hind legs, her eyes, get all hazy and she kinda falls over, in ecstasy (at least we think its ecstasy). btw, thats the only way to stop petting her without getting scratched. To get Cibil to come over to u, u either have to pat the surface ur sitting on, or put ur hand flat in the air, and then wiggle it slightly. She knows both of these mean petting time. Dont even try with Chester, he'll just get annoyed and ignore u. If he wants petting, he'll try to come up, but when u raise ur head to look at him, he'll get scared and run away.

Now we have the reptiles. And of these there is White Belly, Diadon, Loch (pronounced Lock), Halbert, and Mal Dextrious.

White Belly is my lizard from many years ago. She is a yellow-tailed leopard gecko. She was born in captivity and is very elitist and picky. If she isnt in the mood to be held, and u hold her, she just turns her head and doesnt look at u. She is a very picky eater, wut we feed her has to be wut she;s in the mood for, so when we have three different things we feed her, u can imagine we fail quite a bit. We feed her pinkies/fuzzies (baby mice), wax worms, and crickets. It all depends wut she;s in the mood for, and if she doesnt want it, she lets it die. Her name is white belly bcuz she has a white tummy (its soft and smooth).
White Belly is technically mine, but my brother has totally fallen in love with her. I dont no wut i am going to do when he moves out. awww....

We also have Diadon, who is my juvenile alligator lizard. I got him at Malibu creek and instantly loved him. He is also really cute and tends to bury him self in his cal-si-sand. He was born in the wild, and raised in the wild for awhile but right now when he bites me, it is ok, becuz he is so tiny, but i have to make sure he is mostly tame by the time he is 18 inches long. Diadon is the cutest little thing in the world. I have recently discovered that he buries himself in the cal-si-sand to sleep. He goes under around eight, and comes up around ten. (talk about sleeping in!) Also, he is beginning to like me. I was holding him today, stroking his back, as usual, and needed to grab something so i stopped stroking him. I usually do this to keep him calm while i hold him. Usually, when i stop, he tries to run away. But this time, he just lifted his head, looked around for a little bit, then rested his snout on my finger again. Also, when i tried to put him away, he wouldnt get off my fingers (thats what he was laying on), so i opened them up, and then he just grabbed onto my middle finger. I didnt want to shake him off, but had to go, so i had to scoop him up, and then i set him down on the ground, and he was fine. But I really feel we have begun to bond. I have also noticed that when i touch his bak when he is in the cage, he does not move, but when i try to pick him up, he usually runs away. I tried a soothing technique, i started stroking him while he was in the cage, which is wut i do when he is not in the cage, so that he will know that when i pick him up, he will just be stroked not eaten, so he could connect the saftey of the cage with the stroking, so that when i stroke him outside the cage, he still has that measure of safety. He is sooooo cute! btw, since i dont know if he is a boy or a girl, i gave him a nickname. His nickname is Lizzie, which is a girls name, and his real name is Diadon, which is a boy's name, so i am just trying to play the odds, lol.

Now we have Loch who will b interesting to discuss. Loch is a green garter snake, about as thick as half my pinky, but almost as long as my arm. I didnt like him at first becuz he was a snake. Snakes usually creep me out (except for ball python and boa constrictors), and loch was no different. We feed him wax worms, and to give him water, we chronically spray his tank with a squirt gun, (the inside of it, on the sides), and then he drinks it off the sides of his tank. I like loch now, but it has been a long road. Wuts the worst of it, is that one time, my bro was being really mean, and he shoved loch towards my face, and i opend my mouth 2 yell out, and loch went inside my mouth....YECCHHH! So yeah. I have gotten over it, and i am glad i didnt accidently bite his head off......now. btw, loch is really funny becuz he is so dopey. When he goes the side of his tank to drink, he usually misses and hits his head on the glass, and its funny, but i always end up feeling bad for him.

I am going to go the MalDextrious now, becuz Halbert will take forever. I dont know much about Mal but i know he is a river lizard from Malibu creek state park. He is a real character cuz when u go up to look at him, he tends to freeze, and it looks like he's posing, lol. So yeah. Thats really all i know about Mal. He eats pinheads (baby crickets), same as Diadon.

Now to Halbert, boy this will be hard. Actually, i will discuss the turtles on a later post. Becuz this one is so long it has taken forever to write, so i have postponed posting it. Therefore, I will not have this anymore, later on, i will make a post about Halbert (and now regina[hard g] and odrie).

OWWWWWW!

I went to the beach the other day. Apparently, that was a bad idea.

After putting sunscreen on, i promptly fell asleep. I woke up later, and then went out, had fun with the beach, and later on feel asleep again. Both times, my bak was in the sun directly, and nobody put anything on me, so i suffered quite a bit. I have bled lighter colors than the color of my back. So yeah. The sun sux, sometimes. Wow, i wrote this blog really poorly, good thing i know it tho, lol.

back again, and in the same day too....

Hello, i am back again. This time i will actually share some thoughts, lol.

Wow, think of it......38 weeks of school. After that amount of time, surely a break is due, and here it is! Summer break is finally here and i am loving it. Well, most of it anywho.

I have recently realized something. School is very bad for me. I know wut ur all thinking, "its good! it teaches u things!" or "thats wut everyone says." I have realized this for a different reason then ur probly all assuming. I think school is bad for me, becuz of the massive negative effect on my attitude. At school, there was the stress of teachers, of upcoming schoolwork, and of conflicts/relationships with my fellow classmates. Everyone knows, stress is bad for u. Well, stress is the synonym for middle school in my opinion. School is out, and i have discovered, so is the stress. Stress is gone and i am happier. I think one of the reasons i am happier is becuz i like myself better. i think, who cares, got another 2 1/2 months of summer left, big whoop. So, becuz of the massive amount of free time i have coming so i do stuff for people. I offer to mop the floors when i dont have 2, and will b doing next week, i offer to help wash the car when i could b playin hero's 3. Acts of kindness, that when i had a crapload of school stuff to worry about, i wouldnt have done. I also feel a lot younger. I am sillier, and just have more fun with little stuff. I dance more, wacth more Eddie Izard, lol. I am also nicer, stronger (been working out), and just have a generally positive attitude. Its great!

How to kill this? Enter, one mother, one brother, and a juvenile lizard. In other words, responsibility. (note: my bro and ma' dont kill it, just part of the section of the day that messed it up, not their fault, mind u, i love em' both.... a lot) it was when i had to start worrying about my cutest little lizard, that i realized it was responsibility that made me happier, and feel younger. Not responsibility, but the lack thereof, lol. I realized, school was out, and responsibilities, big ones at least were. I would still have very few of them, except for the fact that i fell in love with diadon (my juvy lizard...so cute when he sleeps). I do not regret my descision, but it makes me feel older, and more responsible to be in charge of how happy, succesful, and in short how good of a life my diadon has. It is very sobering to say the least, but there is nothing that could happen that would make me regret getting Diadon. I love him (i think its a him, lol), and wouldnt have a million dollars instead of him.

So yeah, my first real blog.................................................w00t.........................sweeet....................wooooooord.

I am off to the beach

Hello everyone!

This is john, ur friendly neighborhood person! Yay!

I would like to apologize in advance, when i am writing my blog i will b writing without editing, and most likely b writing fast. So, please excuse my misspelling. Also, when i write something between two of these, *, it means thats wut i am doing, like, *shudder*, means i am shuddering, and *sniffle* means i am crying....not really, just expressing it in a dramatic way, lol. Also, i will probly b using acronyms....so yeah. I am off to the beach, and i hope u listen to my thoughts.